No Home and No Surname

 A Woman Has No Home and No Surname

Unfortunately, this is the truth of a woman’s life. I have battled this idiom, called it unfair, and stressed the fact that women are luckier to have two homes but the truth became clear as sparkling water when I was forced to leave my matrimonial house. I had no home to call my own. Homeless, I was taken away by my brother to my paternal house. No! Actually, it is my maternal house. After being in the marriage for more than twenty-five years, my mother earned the prestige of having a home in her name. But I was in the marriage for fourteen years, still, I was not considered a part of their house. Only after two months did I get permission to stay in the matrimonial house, citing it as my legal right. Where do women go for the days in between? These two months presented a stark reality of this society where a woman truly does not have a home. 

Image Credit: Endo-Resolved

A year back, I finally got the PAN with the surname of my husband, before that I was still using my paternal surname on documents. Today when I no longer stay with him, should I change my surname again? It is a rigorous process as I need to change the name in all the legal documents and also the name I proudly announced as mine at every meeting is no longer mine. What if we someday decide to get divorced? I would have to go through the struggle of changing my surname again. Physically and emotionally it is a very draining process. But the question is why do women have no surname and they keep struggling. Most women readily replace their surname after marriage, others add it to their existing name but what to do when something unforeseen happens like in my case. 

I share a poem that clearly depicts what a woman goes through in her life because she has no home and no surname.  

LIFE IS NOT A PARADISE

Telling you a sad story,

I know it's none of your issues,

But I would like to bring to your notice,

The cruel truth in this woman's journey.

Only fifteen when she was married off,

Every night he would come with a heavy dose,

Beating her brutally and calling slang,

In the morning he would be the sweetest man.

Battered and shattered when she would knock on their door,

They would drive her away saying they are no one for her anymore.

Her husband's place is her paradise,

Where she should live till demise.

She would cry and say it is hell there,

Paradise was when she was here.

No shelter and alone she would go back home,

Where she would apply ointment on her wounds.

Getting ready for the night to be beaten again,

This cruel world has given her nothing more than surname,

It's a matter of pride they say but who cares.

Even after three kids the routine is same,

All they would think that it is a game.

Image Credit: Onmanorama

One day when he ran after her with a sickle,

Frightened she ran to someplace safe.

Unbearable was life so she went to court,

Demanding separation and peaceful life.

Action will be taken, assurance she got,

Now she should go to someplace else.

Her parents agreed to keep her for few days,

But after that she should find her way.

With her children she adjusted there,

But few days turned into a month.

Legally it was decided to bring them together,

He was given the warning to act sober,

Little did it matter what was her desire.

One fine morning she was driven out by them,

To be with him is her destiny was the reason.

Nothing could she do to make her life better,

Looking at her children she decided to be stronger.

She went back to him,

But this time she was different,

She would not fall for his courtesy in the morning.

For few months he was so sober,

But the taste of blood could not keep him away for long.

He picked up a stick and called her whore,

In a flash of the moment, he was on the floor,

With pain so unbearable and blood on his face,

He faintly saw the sickle which was his device,

Her frightened face and her screams which gave him pleasure is no more,

She is laughing so loud and saying

"I am in paradise."

Going through the pain of not having a home to call mine, not having a surname to call mine, I think there is a major loophole in societal norms where one half is treated fairly and the other half has not been taken into consideration without any fault of theirs. If something is not done to avoid these circumstances then a woman would always feel alienated in society. 

Read stories, poems, and articles by the author here:

https://lettersbysneha.blogspot.com/